A Saturday Night With Mom

The night started out slow. I went to GrayWhale C.D. Exchange and purchased a DVD collection of the three Die Hard movies (I know there are four, but I now own the three good ones). Observe:

Then Mom and I went to my cousin Len's place for a Halloween party. I know, it is technically the day after, but that's just how it worked out. First off, I am going to go over some events that will not be covered in this post:

a) Family controversy about adoption

b) A shouting match over Cheetos

c) The 'prick in the poncho'

First, I had about 20 minutes to come up with a costume (as my cousins party was a costume party), so I quickly went through my closet to find something. I eventually settled on a bad “Che” costume. We arrived at the party and when we realized they had only hard booze and no beer, Mom suggested that we went for a beer run.

After getting past all the odd stares that were noticeably the “Halloween was yesterday” kind, we purchased about $70 worth of beer from Smith's and headed back to the party. By the time we had got back more people had shown up, and all of them were friends of my cousin and not family, so I did not know any of them. So I hung with Mom and my cousin Jer, who dressed as a construction worker, and regretted it due to the frequent requests to sing “YMCA”. Observe:

Yes, Jer- “YMCA” indeed (he was obviously a bit camera shy). And here is Mom with cousin Len, both rather drunk at this point:

Notice cousin Len has a nurse costume. Part of her costume was some test tubes filled with shots (mostly vodka I think). Cousin Jer and another douche at the party had taken a few and said that they were quite good... until anther person arrived at the party and asked if cousin Len had washed tham out before she used them. Of course the answer was no, then the follow up question of why. Apperantly, the type of test tubes she had are factory coated with a chemical to keep them sterile, and that chemical can cause vomiting and diarrhea.

Naturally we started taking bets on how long it would take for those two poor souls to start oozing at both ends. But before we could observe the comical inevitability, my other cousin Chaz called Len and said he had been in a car wreck. Not bad though, in fact he had hit a parked car. Unfortunately, it was a rather nice Mustang. He said that his brakes had problems, he could not see it, it came out of nowhere etc. but really, he was probably playing with his iPod or texting or something. Here is the truck that he was driving (owned by cousin Len):

And here is the poor Mustang:

Sad to see, I know. The funniest part was her trying to be serious talking to the cops in a skimpy black nurses outfit; stethoscope, fishnets and all.

Then Mom wanted to see my recent widower Uncle K. On the way there, Mom wanted to go shake the shipping doors at her place of employment to set off the alarm, and thereby shaking her bosses nerves, because he is apparently quite paranoid of getting robbed. Fortunately, we drove on.

So I drove my intoxicated mother and about $70 worth of beer to uncle K's place. We then arrived at my uncle's place, more beer was consumed and I returned home, to type this post. And the best thing? Spending my entire night dressed like 'Che':

Awesome.

T